I'm kind of a one-woman-show in every aspect of my life these days, and the truth is, I really struggle with a sort of tunnel vision when it comes to all the 'needs' that require doing.
Like, the dinner that needs cooking.
The dishes that need washing.
The newsletter that needs sending.
The editing that needs finishing.
The ads that need setting up.
The kid that needs driving to theater.
The dog water that needs filling (I swear, this is like seventy percent of my life right here).
The room that needs vacuuming.
The dog that needs letting out.
The dog that needs letting in.
And so on, and so forth.
My life is an on-going to-do list, as I'm sure many can relate to.
But I don't always notice that I'm going, going, going.
Sometimes, it takes my eye starting to twitch before I realize I've been at the computer all day.
Or I catch myself getting snappy and impatient because I'm staying up too late, and getting up too early - or sometimes, getting up in the middle of the night because I'm awake and I might as well get some work done.
The thing that really hits me though, is when I give myself headaches because I'm literally too busy or too distracted to remember to breathe.
So, I'm trying to see a bigger picture. One in which I'm living in a more balanced way. Because even though I do stuff like yoga and crocheting which might look like I'm rocking that self-care and relaxation, the truth is, I can't even do those things without finding a need to do more. Stretch deeper. Get stronger. Make more goddamn blankets.
And I'm resorting to really lame tactics to force myself into this new vision I'm holding for myself. Like not replacing the lightbulb in my desk lamp in hopes that I'll shut down the computer once it's gets dark (it's not working so far, I'm typing in the dim light of the screen as we speak) and collecting credits for movie rentals to actually watch a movie before I'm ready to fall asleep (though I have yet to make use of them) and bribing myself with things like a new pendulum to encourage me to sit and meditate more (it's worked once so far).
But, I'm not giving up. Because I know not doing is just as important as all the doing. Maybe more so. (Energetically speaking. If you're into that sort of thing.) Plus, I feel like I've been missing a lot of the fun lately, and I'm just not okay with that anymore.
On that note, I'm open to suggestions. But don't hit me with the basics or the obvious. Like, give me some credit, I've probably already thought of those. I need the creative options. The 'this is weird but it works' stuff. So, let's hear it!